Kansou
by nightwarp
Summary: [ON HOLD] Ever wonder about Kagome's thoughts, how she deals with everything going on around her?


**Kansou  
Chapter One  
The Journal**

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**Disclaimer:** InuYasha-tachi doesn't belong to me, but they will one day!! Muahahahahahahaha!!! 

'_thinking_'  
"talking"  
« Flashback »  
&& Scene Change &&

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The well house doors opened as a girl, about the age of 16, stepped through. She was dressed in a green uniform, her body was tense and her eyes were sad. Her face was red, red from anger and red from crying. Her eyes and nose were puffy, tears staining her cheeks. 

Kagome heaved her yellow backpack out of the well, and dragged it into the house. Passing her brothers shout of greeting, her grandfathers rambling, and her mothers questioning gaze as she headed towards her room.

**&&&&&&&&&&**

Kagome lye in bed, blankets pulled to her chin. She was curled in on her side, staring at the wall. She felt depressed, dull. By a few simple words, not meant for her ears, her heart was ripped in two. A wound time would _not_ heal. Her anguish only mounted by the passing minutes, a pain bringing her close to insanity. Her foolish belief in something so absurd made her feel silly, like a little giggling school girl only hoping her crush would return her feelings, it was ridiculous. She was 16, nearly 17, and she'd believed that for a second, the feelings were returned.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her bedroom door. The interruption was welcome though, her thoughts only seemed to throw her deeper into dismay. She felt like her feelings were running rampant, as if she were losing control. Her feelings, her inner emotions, had no order, wreaking havoc on her heart and mind. Everything was building, a mounting emotional pressure, where she felt like a bomb waiting to explode.

A hand was laid on her shoulder, and she started. She had drifted back into the dreary haven she called her mind. She looked up to see her mother staring back at her with worry in her eyes.

"Kagome, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Mama. Just a little tired." Why was she such a bad liar? It was evident, not only in her voice, but facial and body expression that she was definitely _not_ alright. Someone might as well just write Liar on her head in permanent marker.

"Kagome…" Her mother's voice trailed, it was soft, yet laced with reprimand. She avoided her mother's gaze.

"I'm not okay… Everything isn't okay" She admitted with a small sigh. "I..I heard something I wasn't supposed to. And I wish I hadn't heard it."

"What weren't you supposed to hear?" Her mother questioned, already having an inkling as to who this involved. She'd definitely have to have a talk with a certain dog-eared young man about consideration one of these days.

"Well… it was when I went back. I found it weird that neither Shippo or InuYasha were waiting near the well, but I didn't pay much attention. So I started heading towards the village, but I heard something…"

**« Flashback »**

A huge yellow backpack came flying out of the well, soon followed by Kagome. She sat on the rim of the well and looked around.

'_No Shippo and no InuYasha? That's odd._' She again gazed around the clearing, before picking up her backpack and placing it on her back. She took a moment, adjusting the backpack, making sure she wouldn't fall backward. She headed towards the village, until the wind carried sounds of arguing to her. She stopped and looked around.

Following the sounds, it lead her to a nearby clearing. Ducking behind a particularly thick bush, and making sure to stay hidden, she peeked at the two arguers. Her face took on a look of surprise.

'_InuYasha and Miroku?_'

InuYasha and Miroku stood facing each other. They were not literally fighting, merely talking heatedly. It did not look like banter, both of them looked serious. Miroku looked, not surprisingly, calm. While InuYasha looked both angry and irritated.

"Are you _sure_, InuYasha? Do you really think such would be a good idea, especially at the moment?"

"Of course, I'm god damned sure, Monk! And what the fuck do you mean, "at the moment"?!"

"I'm referring to the fact that you and Kagome have been getting along very well lately. Anything I should know about, InuYasha?" Miroku had a slight teasing tone to his voice, his eyebrow raised. It seemed he was trying to lighten the mood.

InuYasha's cheeks tinged pink, "What the fuck? _No! _Keh. No way."

Miroku grinned, "Your rambling"

"Back to the damn point, lech"

"Well, do you really think that going to aid Kikyo, at this time, would do any good for your relationship with Kagome?"

"If Kikyo needs my help, I'm going!"

Miroku sighed, "Kikyo has been able to take care of herself since she was resurrected. And she hasn't exactly been on your beck and call, so why should you be on hers? I understand that you wish to help her, and it is an honorable thing to do, but _what about Kagome?_"

"What about her?"

"You would just leave her here? Without, in your eyes, proper protection?"

"Keh! She can't come with me, she'd just get herself hurt, dumb girl can't even take care of herself. I'd be trying to help Kikyo and then Kagome would go and get herself kidnapped or something, then I'd have to go after her."

"So you want her out of the way? Was I mistaken, because I could have sworn you wanted to spend more time with Kagome, and not Kikyo. Kikyo only wants to take you to hell as a pitiful form of… revenge, I don't see why you hold onto her so, even if she was your first love. Do you still love her, InuYasha?" Miroku seemed disbelieving, while InuYasha's anger grew.

"Keh! It'd be easier without having to save Kagome all the time! And what the hell do you know about me and Kikyo. You have no right to talk about Kikyo like that, you fucking lecher! And it's none of your fucking business if I love Kikyo! What the fuck does it matter?"

"Do you look at Kagome as a burden? If you love Kikyo, why are you with Kagome?"

"I'm not _with _Kagome, I'm stuck with her!" It was obvious now that InuYasha's irritation had taken over. "and I know my life would be fucking easier without taking care of pathetic humans!" InuYasha nearly shouted it, as he stomped off, extremely angry.

**« End Flashback »**

By now, Kagome was sobbing, her mothers arms holding her close.

"How could he say something like that?"

"Shh…Kagome, I'm sure those words were said out of anger. You said before that InuYasha's temper gets the best of him. You've also said that InuYasha was never good with words. This is probably all a misunderstanding. You may have misinterpreted what InuYasha was trying to say. While his words sounded harsh, he may have meant it differently."

"How could I misunderstand _that_? He all but shouted "I hate her!" which would have been a lot simpler"

"I know InuYasha doesn't hate you"

Kagome sighed. She really wanted to believe her Mother, and it seemed quite possible, but she highly doubted it. "Either way.. I feel so… helpless. There's so many things I'm thinking right now, I'm just having a hard time comprehending my thoughts right now.. it's so mixed up"

Her mother gave a small, sad smile. Without word, she got up and left the room. Minutes later she came back with a book in had. She handed it to her. Kagome took the book into her hands and looked at it. It was medium sized book, with a black velvet covering. Her name was written in silver on the cover. It appeared to be a journal. She opened it and ran her hand across the smooth, golden lined page. There was a red silk ribbon stuck in the middle of the pages, to be used as a marker. Kagome's mother handed her a pen. It was black, with gold trim, her name written in silver there too.

"It was going to be my present to you for your birthday. But I think you need it more right now. Maybe it'll help you sort out your thoughts" She gave Kagome a kiss on the forehead and walked out of the room.

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**A/N:** Yeh, so this is something I thought up during Math and Science class. It's kinda of typical, the whole "Kagome's Journal" thing, very repetitive. But anytime someone writes something, they put their own twist on it, and that's what I'm doing. Tell me what you think so far. In case your wondering, 'Kansou', among other things, means 'thoughts/impressions' 


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